The summary of the book "Never Eat Alone"
Previous abstract of the book "Negotiations without defeat. The Harvard Method "attracted interest from readers of the Habra, so it was decided to continue the undertaking. This summary will introduce Keita Ferrazzi's book "Never Eat Alone". The author of the book is the number one in the world. He collected in his notebook more than five thousand contacts of the powerful. Forbes magazine called it "one of the most sociable people in the world." On the pages of the book he shares the secrets of building a wide network of mutually beneficial ties in business and not only. Following his advice, you not only realize your ambitions and abilities, helping someone to do the same, but also decorate your life with communication with interesting interlocutors. The book will be interesting for entrepreneurs, managers and all those who are going to achieve their goals under the slogan "ties solve everything."
Part one. Customize your mind
Chapter 1. How to become a member of the club
Communication is everything. Everything in the world exists only in connection with everything else. Nothing can exist in isolation. Pretty pretend that we are independent beings who can live on their own.
Mind, talent and origin is not the most important thing in life. Of course, all this also plays a role, but it turns out to be useless if you do not understand one thing: you can not do anything alone.
In business, people are educated in the spirit of individualism. But success in any field, especially in business, is built on working together with people, not against them. I found that my classmates lack the most important thing - the ability to build and strengthen relationships with others. Nothing to do with some kind of machinations on the principle of "hand washing the hand." No one is trying to count, how much to give in order to get something in return.
People who instinctively create a strong network of relationships around themselves, always achieve outstanding success in business.
Creating a branched network of links is not the only thing that is required for success, but if you build your career and life with the help and support of friends and acquaintances, this has undeniable advantages:
You will never be bored. Such a life sometimes takes a lot of time and puts more responsibility on you, but never gets bored. You always learn something new about yourself, other people, about business and the world around you. It's a wonderful feeling.
A career built on connections is also useful to the company in which you work, because it also benefits from your growth. People who communicate with you communicate with your company. You feel satisfaction that your leaders and the organization as a whole are interested in your promotion.
The circle of acquaintances, which gives you support and opens many opportunities for development, is very important in the modern world.
Today in my electronic notebook more than 5000 people, whom I can call at any time. They can offer me a qualified advice, work, help, approval, support, care and love
To create such a circle of communication, it is necessary to work hard. I understood this as a child, dragging bags with golf clubs. For this we must think not only about ourselves, but also about others.
This is for everyone. In the end, if the provincial guy managed to get into the "elite club", then you can.
Chapter 2. Do not keep account of good deeds
Not one person can say that he did himself. We are influenced by thousands of other people. Everyone who has done a good deed for us or expressed a word of approval, contributed to the formation of our character and thoughts and contributed to our success.
George Burton Adam
You can not build a network of mutually beneficial relationships, saving your acquaintances only for yourself. The more people you help, the more support you get in return. The market with its dense intertwining of interests comes to the understanding that cooperation is more important than competition. The rules of the game have changed.
Many are trying to adapt to these new conditions, still staying in the belief that a human being is a wolf and victory will ultimately be won by the most vile and unprincipled. "Independent" people who have not learned to think and act in an environment of interdependence can be good workers, but they will never become leaders and team players. I am sure that the relationship between people and even entire organizations should be built on trust. And trust arises when you, paraphrasing the words of former President Kennedy, ask people what they can do for you, and what you can do for them. In other words, in circles of mutually beneficial relations, not greed, but generosity is used as a currency. If your communication is built on generosity, then the reward will not take long.
Now companies are building their policy on creating strong and lasting ties with the clientele. The same should be done in the current situation, and you, creating your own network of relationships.
I believe that your relationships with others best express your true nature. With this, nothing can compare. Contribute to the common cause, do not spare time, money and experience on the ever growing circle of your friends.
Chapter 3. What is your mission?
"Tell me, please, where should I go from here?" "It depends a lot on where you want to go," the Cat replied. "It's almost all the same to me," Alice began. "Then it does not matter where to go," said the Cat.
Lewis Carroll. "Alice in Wonderland"
The more accurately you determine what you want, the easier it will be to develop a strategy to achieve the goal. Part of this strategy is to establish relationships with people who can help in the fulfillment of your plans.
All the prosperous people I've met, to some extent, planned their future.
As my father liked to say, no one becomes an astronaut by accident.
The first stage: find your cherished dream
The goal is a dream with a specific deadline. This magnificent definition highlights one very important point. Before concretizing goals, deal with your dreams. Otherwise, it may turn out that you will strive for a goal that does not give you any pleasure.
Look inside yourself. The most important thing here is to get rid of all barriers, doubts, fears and expectations about what you "must" do. It is necessary to discard all thoughts about time, money and obligations that can become an obstacle on your path.
Look around. Then ask the people who know you best, what, in their opinion, your strengths and weaknesses. Ask what they like about you, and what needs to be improved. All disciplined dreamers have one thing in common - following one's destiny. This mission is often risky. It may contradict common sense. Sometimes it is incredibly difficult to put it into practice. But it is possible. Discipline, which turns a dream into a mission, and a mission into reality, manifests itself in the process of setting a goal.
The second stage: set your goal on paper
The mission itself will not become a reality. Its implementation is like building a building that starts with a foundation.
Creating a network of useful links is a system process. There is no magic in it. It is not only suitable for the elect. In order to get to know the right people, you just need to pre-plan and then follow it steadily. It does not matter at all whether you want to become a history teacher in the ninth grade or open your own company. Moreover, such a plan can be applied to any sphere of life and use it, for example, to expand the circle of their friends, continue education, search for a partner in life, find a spiritual mentor.
Do this now, before proceeding to the next chapter. Several similar plans are constantly stored in my electronic notebook, regularly reminding me of what needs to be done and with whom it is worth talking about.
The desire not fixed in writing will remain a dream. When it is written on paper - this is already a program, this is the goal.
Here are some aspects that need to be considered when drawing up a plan for creating a support network.
Your goals should be specific.
Your goals should be real
Your goals should be ambitious and ambitious
To prepare for the upcoming marathon, you need to do at least a little jogging every day. Having a plan, you must now establish contacts with the right people. Everyday!
The third stage: create your own advisory center
Goals, like everything else that I write about in the book, are not achieved alone. Once the plan is drawn up, you will need support. As in any other business, even the best plan will only benefit from the fact that it is critically evaluated by someone from the outside.
No one will be hindered by an intelligent adviser, and even better - two or three, which will not just support you, but also a keen eye to evaluate your actions and demand a report. It can include family members, your mentors, one or two old friends.
Chapter 4. Build relationships well in advance
Form your environment from people you love and who love you.
People have a completely wrong idea that you need to make connections when you need something (for example, work). In fact, you should acquire a circle of useful connections, helpers and friends long before you have any need for them. Dynamics of creating useful acquaintances should go on increasing. To win the trust of others can be achieved only gradually, step by step.
In probability theory, the wider the circle of your acquaintances, the more opportunities you have and the more significant support you can get at critical moments of your career.
Around you there are a lot of excellent opportunities for developing relationships with people you already know and who know people you do not know yet, and those in turn know more people.
In business, we often say that the best customer is one that you already have. Begin to strengthen relationships with those you already know. Every person you know, from family members to the postman, is the door to a whole new world of other people.
Others will help you if they are already familiar with you and have loved you. Start now to take care of your garden.
Chapter 5. The genius of courage
Catch every moment. Do not hesitate, if you can do something or believe that you can. All genius, strength and magic - in courage.
Johann Wolfgang Goethe
My father, Pete Ferrazzi, was an American in the first generation. His lot was hard work and low salary. But he dreamed of another life for his son. Being a simple worker, he understood that courage is, perhaps, the only quality that distinguishes lucky people from losers, even with the same abilities. My father went for everything, if it was a question of the well-being of the family.
In some cases, in order to defeat your fear, you just have to compare the feelings of inconvenience and the consequences of failure in your work.
Either you risk in the hope of a big win, or you prefer to avoid risk and stay mediocre.
The best way to deal with fear is to, first, understand that it is perfectly normal. Everyone experiences it. Secondly, you need to recognize that to succeed you must overcome your fear. Thirdly, we must convince ourselves that with each time it will get better.
Below I give some tips that you can use right now to feel comfortable in any situation.
Find a role model for
Everyone knows that in every group of friends or acquaintances there is always a person who infects everyone with his boldness. If you are not yet ready to step over your fear by getting acquainted with new people, ask that person to help you and demonstrate how this is done. If there is such an opportunity, take it with you to various activities and observe its behavior.
Learn to speak
In response to the desire of many people to learn to speak better, many organizations specializing in this field were created. They just give people a chance to practice in a relaxed environment, where the instructor always comes to the rescue and cheers.
Be involved in case
There are many clubs of interest. Join one of them and become his active member. When you feel your readiness, become one of the leaders of the group. This is a very important and necessary step. To be a leader in life, one must constantly practice.
Visit the therapist
I'm not saying that the course of psychotherapy will make you better, but it will help you cope effectivelywith their fears.
Make a decision and make
Set a goal every week to get acquainted with a new person. It does not matter who it is and where it happens. You will see for yourself that this will get better every time. Do not stop halfway. When you realize that seclusion does not bring any benefit, any situation and any person you meet will be a chance for you to succeed.
Memo from Madame the Courage:
Outline the situation that has arisen.
Tell your companion your feelings.
Tell the main point.
Use open-ended questions.
Chapter 6. Soul Hunters
Ambitions can creep, but can soar.
Here are a few rules that you should use to avoid becoming an unprincipled hunter for the right connections:
Do not practice idle chatter. If you have something to say, then say it in a businesslike and convincing way. Every time you open your mouth, try to offer something useful and do it sincerely.
Do not gossip. With time, when more and more people will be convinced that you can not trust any information, the source will run out.
Do not come to visit with empty hands. Success is achieved by those who give more than they receive.
Do not treat the inferiors badly. It is possible that one of them may later become your boss. In business there is a very active cycle.
Be sincere. Stealth is good when communicating in a bar, but not when you intend to establish a deep relationship with a person.
Do not overdo it. If you, when getting to know people, do not establish friendly relations with them, then it is better for you to quit this occupation. The absence of warm feelings among people kills the full benefit of such relationships. At the same time, good human relations make up an excellent business foundation.
Part two. Communication Skills
Chapter 7. Homework
Great business is always preceded by a lot of preparation.
Before meeting with a stranger, I think about how to introduce myself, find information about him and about the type of his occupation. I try to find in this information the main thing that characterizes it - hobbies, problems and goals - both in business and in personal life.
William James wrote: "The deepest need of human nature is the desire for recognition" . The main thing here is to go beyond the framework of abstract representations and focus on a specific person. Try to show genuine interest in a person, and you will become a part of his life.
You might think that such a tactic is somewhat like manipulation, but in reality it's just the ability to be at the right time in the right place. The point is to find a point of contact with a person, and this requires a deeper and more thorough communication than one can hope for during the first fleeting encounter. The goal is that your acquaintance with the person is not forgotten, but grew into friendship.
Chapter 8. Fix the names of
In order for the communication process to proceed smoothly, it is necessary to organize and manage the flow of information.
To begin with, you need to focus on those people who are already part of your relationship. I bet you can not even imagine how big it really is. It includes:
friends of relatives;
all friends and acquaintances of your spouse;
members of professional and public organizations in which you are a member;
current and former customers;
parents of your children's friends;
current and former neighbors;
people with whom you studied together;
people with whom you worked in the past;
members of your religious community;
former teachers and superiors;
people with whom you spend your free time;
people who provide services to you.
People, something useful to you, you can find anywhere. You should not just know all the key players in a particular field of activity, but also strive to ensure that they know you.
Remember: if you approach the case in an organized way, purposefully and do not forget to fix the names, then no one can be out of your reach.
Chapter 9. How to call a stranger by phone
The need to call a stranger leads even the most balanced people into a state close to a neurosis. How can we cope with this task? Any acquaintance with new people should be regarded as a next challenge facing you, which gives you additional opportunities. The very idea should create in you excitement and eliminate the unnecessary shyness that lives in each of us and affects our behavior.
Rules of phone calls:
Provide recommendations. Establishing trust relationships is the main thing that you must do in the course of your first contact with a person. The reference to the person or organization known to the interlocutor is very helpful in overcoming his initial vigilance. It used to be said that there are six degrees of mutual ties between people. Today, in order to find them, it is enough just to click the computer mouse one or two times.
Outline what you can be useful. I can melt the ice of phone calls, mentioning in the conversation information that will show the interlocutor that a lot of preparatory work has been done, which means that I am interested in his success.
Know how to say a little, say a lot. Express your thoughts quickly, consistently and convincingly. Remember that in most cases the purpose of a phone call is not to finally agree on something, but to schedule a meeting, where everything can be discussed in more detail.
Offer a compromise. Remember that you must first ask for more than you need to then have the opportunity to step back a little.
Chapter 10. Make your ally the secretary
The role of the secretary within the company is extremely high, but it becomes even more important when you have to look for access to this company from the outside.
During the first bell, you should never be aggressive. Remember that you can never get angry with the secretary. Do not show excessive importunity. Sometimes it makes sense to use various forms of communication, trying to establish an important contact with a stranger. A message by e-mail, letter, fax or just a postcard is sometimes more likely to reach the right person.
If you recognize the role that the secretaries play, and with the help of respect, humor and compassion, turn them into your allies, then many doors will open before you.
Chapter 11. Never eat alone
You must constantly keep in touch with your friends and necessary people - at breakfast, at dinner, wherever possible.
Your calendar of meetings and other events should always be filled to capacity. You must always be on your mind and be active.
Your circle of communication in something similar to the musculature. The more you work on it, the stronger it becomes.
Have you had dinner with any of your colleagues? Why not invite someone to dinner, and at the same time and a few more people from your business or personal environment? Thus, your network of friends and acquaintances will constantly expand.
Chapter 12. Share your hobbies
I must admit to you: I have never been in any life at any event dedicated to making necessary acquaintances.
The basis of any relationship is the community of interests, the unity of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, ethnic origin, profession and personal interests. Therefore, the greatest success in establishing contacts you will achieve at those events that are based on the relevant interests.
The main attention should be paid to where you feel most comfortable and what occupation gives you special pleasure.
Contrary to the general rule of business, I do not believe that there is some solid boundary between private and public life.
Representatives of the old school of business believe that the expression of emotion makes a person vulnerable. Today's young businessmen, on the contrary, believe that this unites people even more. The stronger the human relationships, the more successful will be the business and career.
List of activities that I use to maintain and develop contacts with my business partners and friends:
Fifteen minutes for a cup of coffee. It does not take much time and takes place outside the office. A wonderful way to get to know a new person a little.
Conference. If, for example, I need to attend a conference in Seattle, I compile a list of people I know in this region or with whom I would like to get acquainted, and then I look for a suitable opportunity to meet with them.
Invitation to take part in some fascinating business (golf, chess, collecting stamps, club of book lovers, etc.).
A short breakfast, lunch, a cocktail after work or a joint dinner. Nothing better than these events can not melt the ice in the relationship.
Invitation to a special event. For me such events are a visit to the theater, a party of the society of singers, a concert. This event becomes especially joyful if I invite people with me, who, in my opinion, can appreciate it with dignity.
Invitation to your home. I regard a homemade dinner as a kind of sacred activity and try to create a warm and friendly atmosphere, so usually I invite no more than one or two strangers. I want people leaving my home to feel that they have made new good friends, and this is not easy to achieve if there are many strangers at the table.
Of course, you need to find time for friends, for the family and even just to read and relax.
Chapter 13. Without reminding yourself, you will fail
The desire to attract attention and to remind oneself is the key to success in any field. A few things to consider when you remind a person about yourself:
Always express gratitude. Do not forget to mention an important or interesting moment of the conversation between you, even if it was just a joke that amused you both.
Confirm your promises, if they were made during the conversation, and recall the promises made by your interlocutor. Express briefly and on business. Your letter should not be impersonal, it should be addressed to a specific person.
Use both e-mail and regular mail. Their combination gives your communication a more personal character. The time factor plays a very important role. After the meeting or conversation, remind yourself about yourself as soon as possible.
Many expect the coming of the holidays to thank someone or remind themselves of themselves. Why wait? The sooner you do this, the more appropriate and better remembered. Do not forget about those people who served as mediators in your acquaintance. Send them a short message about how the conversation that took place with their presentation took place, and express your gratitude for the help.
Try to get all of the above tips into your habit. Then you do not have to strain memory, trying to remember the name of the interlocutor, or to see how he wrinkles his forehead, remembering yours.
Chapter 14. Become the organizer of the conference
You can turn a simple participation in a conference into the realization of your mission.
Help the organizers
"I want to participate in the conference that you are organizing, and I'm interested in making this year better prepared than ever before. At your disposal are all my reSursy - time, creativity and communication. How can I help? "
Listen, or even better - say
Having an opportunity to speak at the conference, you acquire a special status that helps you get acquainted with people. All participants have a desire to talk or at least say hello to you. You begin to enjoy respect, and when you stand on the platform, your words are treated with great confidence.
Organize the conference inside the conference. Nothing can stop you from taking on the burden of leadership in organizing a fun program or visiting places that the organizing committee of the conference simply did not think about.
Follow the leader
If you are familiar with the most popular participant of the conference - with someone who knows everyone and who everyone knows, - then "stick" to him when he rotates on the sidelines of the forum.
Be a fount of information
If you become a valuable source of information, many will want to meet you.
Define your goal
For each conference, I write down on the piece of paper the names of three or four people whom I would very much like to meet, and store it in the pocket of my jacket
Breaks - not the time for rest
"Enter the room, step back to the right. Examine the room. Appreciate who is in it. Make the audience notice you. " After assessing the situation, start establishing contacts.
Remind yourself of
Everyone you met at the conference should receive a message from you that will remind you that he agreed to meet and talk with you in the future.
Speakers are primarily people
I usually do not consider the substantive part of the conferences to be very useful. If the speaker is of interest, then primarily as a person.
You think that you have acquired many connections, but in fact you have made up only a phone book, and each contact from this list will subsequently have to be installed over the phone again.
Chapter 15. Meet the masters of establishing links
The most useful are not necessarily close relations, typical for family members or close friends. On the contrary, often the most important services are provided by people whom we consider simply familiar - "The strength of weak bonds" .
If you want to create an effective network of connections, it is best to get acquainted with a few people with extensive connections. Such people can be found among representatives of any profession, but I would like to focus only on seven of them, where the concentration of people with extensive connections is the highest.
The owners of restaurants
"Hunters behind the heads"
Persons providing financing for public projects
Specialists in public relations
Historians write that Rever had the magical ability to be in the center of events. But this does not require any magic. You just need to communicate with people, show interest in the events and have one or two friends with extensive connections.
Chapter 16. Expand the circle of communication
The most effective method, allowing you to fully use the potential of your circle of friends, is very simple. You need to connect your social circle with someone else.
Never forget about the person who opened the door to you in a new world.
The person with whom you share the circle of your connections should be considered by you as a partner, relations with which are built on mutual benefit.
You have to trust your partner, because in the long run you seem to vouch for him and his behavior towards your friends is reflected on you.
Never give anyone full access to your contact list. This is your property, and no one has the right to use it as it pleases. You must decide for yourself, in someone from your circle of acquaintances and to what extent this or that person may be interested.
Chapter 17. The Art of Secular Conversations
Those who were able to conduct conversations with any person and in any situation, with amazing speed climbed the steps of the career ladder.
If you want to impress an interviewee, show him how you are different from him. Exchange mutual expectations. Combine them. How? For this there is one guaranteed way: be yourself. Show that you are a living person to whom nothing human is alien.
Leading a formal, restrained conversation and hiding its true essence, we spoil the whole impression of the meeting.
Learn non-verbal communication. Be sincere. The surest way to get attention is to pay maximum attention to the interlocutor. Find your zest. Share your hobbies, but do not impose them on others.
Determine the size of your "Johari window". In accordance with this psychological model, the success of the conversation depends on how much the degree of opening of the window between you and your interlocutor corresponds to each other. Of course, this does not mean that you should be hypocritical. On the contrary, it only shows that you are sensitive to the manifestation of emotions and the temperament of a person. You only slightly adjust your style of behavior so that the windows are always open.
Learn to beautifully get out of the conversation. "There are a lot of interesting people here today. It would be a great pity not to make at least attempts to get to know one of them. Excuse me if I leave you for a moment? " To get acquainted grew into a strong relationship, the first conversation should end with a proposal to continue communication.
Learn to listen. In dealing with a person, you should first of all try to understand it, and not be understood. Very often we are too concerned with what we want to say, and do not even hear what they say to us in response. Immediately after the meeting I repeat his name aloud to make sure that I heard it correctly, and then during the conversation I periodically call the person by name.
Carnegie's formulated truths are still relevant:
Sincerely interested in other people.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Let most of the time says your interlocutor.
Talk about what interests your interlocutor.
Begin with praise and sincere recognition of the merits of the interlocutor.
Part Three. How to turn friends into associates
Chapter 18. Health, well-being and children
Every person who comes across to me on the road is somewhat superior to me, and I study with him.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
During my first conversations with my new acquaintance, I try to understand who he will become for me: another student or business partner. I'm looking for the motivation that drives this person. People who have achieved the greatest success in building a network of relationships are a kind of combination of spiritual mentors, psychotherapists and altruists. The only way to encourage people to do something for you is to recognize their importance and importance. The deepest human need for life is the need for recognition.
If you help a person in the realization of his cherished dream, then the connection between you grows and gets stronger. Nowadays, loyalty has become a half-forgotten concept, but, in my opinion, it remains the cornerstone of lasting human relations.
The highest human need for Maslow - this is self-realization, that is, the desire to fully demonstrate all of its best qualities. This was understood by Dale Carnegie. However, Maslow argued that we can not take up the satisfaction of higher needs, until we satisfy those who are at the bottom of the pyramid. These include, for example, life support, safety and sex. It is in this group that there is health, well-being and care for children. By helping people in these matters, you solve two problems at once. First, you help people to realize the most basic basic needs, and secondly, thereby giving them the opportunity to climb a step higher at 3-3r3882. the pyramid needs [/u] .
However, remember that if you touch on the most burning issues for the person you should treat them the way they deserve. If you do not show them due interest, then it will have the opposite effect. Nothing can spoil your relationship with the client so much, as an unfulfilled promise to help in some extremely important problem for him.
Chapter 19. Social Arbitration
Some people gain power by intimidating others and violence against their will. Others (and, as a rule, with much better results) - due to the fact that they become necessary for all.
The best result is obtained when you bring together people from completely different worlds. The strength of your network of contacts depends to the same extent on the diversity of your connections, as well as on their quantity and quality. The one you know influences the effectiveness of applying what you know.
To paraphrase Dale Carnegie, you can say: "You can do better in two months, sincerely interested in the affairs of other people than in two years, during which you will try to interest them with your own affairs" .
Chapter 20. Do not let yourself forget about
If, according to Woody Allen, 80 percent of success in show business depends on the hype around your name, 80 percent of the success in forming a range of useful links depends on constant contact with the right people. You can not let people forget about you. Having developed your own style, you will be able to maintain contacts with a large number of people, and this will not take too much time.
That people with whom you are tying a new relationship, firmly remember your name, they must see or hear you through at least three channels of communication: by email, by phone and by personal communication.
Personally, I created a rating system for myself, which determines the frequency of contacts and facilitates the network of friends, colleagues and friends. I divided the entire network into five categories:
"Personal relations" - their good friends and acquaintances. Since they have already established a strong and deep relationship, communication occurs naturally, as if we meet every day.
"Existing customers" and "Future customers" - speak for themselves.
"Important Business Relations" - include people with whom I have a professional relationship. Either I conduct some business with them, or I hope to lead in the future. This category is very important for the fulfillment of the assigned tasks.
"Perspective contacts" - I include people with whom I would like to get acquainted and establish good relations (these are top managers and world celebrities).
Against each name I put the numbers ? 2 or 3.
"1" - I contact every month. This means that with this person, whether it is my friend or a new business partner, I maintain active contacts. If he belongs to the number of my recent acquaintances, then the unit, as a rule, means that relations with him are not strong enough, and with this person one should communicate on three lines of communication. Every time I get in touch with this or that person, I make a short note against his name, indicating the circumstances and content of the contact. If last month I sent a short message via e-mail to a potential customer marked "1", then this month I will call him by phone. In addition, all contacts marked with a unit are entered into the speed dial system on my mobile phone (this is a very useful feature that saves time). If I have a free minute, when I, for example, go to a taxi, it's enough to press one button to contact the right person.
"2" is the main contact database. These are primary acquaintances or people whom I already know well. I call them or send an e-mail message once a quarter. In addition, I usually include this category of people in the mailing list of electronic messages about my business. Like all my acquaintances, they receive me greeting cards every year from holidays, and I call them on their birthday.
"3" - I know not well enough. In view of the lack of time and conditions, I can not give them too much attention. Ethen just people who happened to be on my way, but seemed interesting enough to get into my notebook. I try to contact them at least once a year. To the fact that a person they almost do not know, calls them or sends short notes, these people are friendly and interested.
"Hello, we have not talked for too long, and I want to say that I miss you and you are important to me." You can do and some professional additions, but in any case, your message should be as personal as possible.
For me, the best birthdays are still birthdays, although they have recently become stepchildren among other memorable dates. The older you become, the more often people around you forget this your most important holiday (probably because they are trying to forget their own). We have been accustomed since childhood to the fact that this day is only ours and nobody else. People never forget their birthday.
Chapter 21. Find your "anchor"
Everyone among friends has a person who falls out of the usual circle of friends. Each of us to some extent maintains relations with older, wiser and more experienced people. These can be our mentors, friends of parents, teachers, priests, superiors. I call these people "anchors". Their advantages over the usual circle of our friends are a simple fact - they are different. They communicate with other people, have other experiences, so they can learn a lot.
Inviting a person to the party who will play the role of "anchor", do not forget that it is very important to correctly form the composition of other guests. Personally, I prefer a combination of people with whom I conduct business today, those with whom I would like to do business in the future, and so-called "inventors", whose energetic nature will revitalize the company.
My friend Jim Vrem is one of the most fashionable designers in New York. He had a beautiful studio in the center of town, where he every two weeks on Thursdays partying. By the way, Thursday is great for such events. He does not violate the plans of the people they build on the weekends, and most of them are ready to walk on this day late, as they know that this week they were only one working day. I've always admired Jim's ability to make it so elegant. This is observed in his architectural and design works. Along one wall, he had a long bench covered in velvet, and several black leather puffs for sitting. Here we usually served champagne. The sound background was created by light jazz music. Among the invited there were always artists, writers and musicians. After making five steps, you fell for a simple wooden table without any tablecloths, decorated with a pair of candles in silver candlesticks. The chairs were beautifully draped. Before each of the guests was a large cup with home-cooked chili sauce and crudely broken pieces of fresh bread. Ice cream and champagne were served for dessert. All ingenious, as always, was very simple.
To organize parties, you must observe only one rule: have fun. Of course, there are other rules that will help you in this matter. Here are some of them:
Identify the topic. This will give your co-dinners extra content and help attract new people to them.
Invite guests in advance. So that people can adjust their plans and you do not have to guess who will come and who will not.
Do not be a slave to the kitchen. Guests in any case will appreciate your efforts if the food is delicious, and the program of communication is interesting.
Create an atmosphere. Do not be lazy to spend an hour or two on decorating the venue for dinner.
Forget about the formalities. Be simpler. Delicious food, good people, a lot of wine, a pleasant conversation - that's all the secrets of the successful party.
Do not put married couples together. I usually place on the table the tablets with the names of the guests.
Relax. Guests take the example from the master.
Part Four. Ability to take and give
22. Be an interesting person.
Today, the marketer should be both a strategist, a technologist and a creative person, focused on the process of selling and receiving revenue.
Have your point of view
I sincerely hope that starting from this day you will become enthusiastic about reading newspapers and discussing topical issues with all your friends. However, there is a definite difference between an interesting and informative person. In order to be known as interesting, it is enough just to think carefully about politics, sports, travel, science and other things that give you the right to participate in the conversation. In order to be a substantial person, you need to have more detailed and specific knowledge. To do this, you need to know what most people do not know. This is your difference from the others. This is what makes you unique and makes people strive to communicate with you. There is a big difference between a popular person and a famous person. When a person is known for his deeds and achievements, it causes him respect. In order for people to believe you, you yourself must believe in something.
There is no one to replace the creative personality with
A unique point of view is one way to ensure that today, tomorrow, and the year you do not have to worry about your workplace. Today's market places creativity above competence, experience and general knowledge. It is impossible to copy creativity and the generation of ideas. People who day after day demonstrate a creative way of thinking and create unique ideas, there is no one to replace.
Below I give ten tips that will allow you to become an expert in your business:
Get to know the best practices and analyze all the trends and opportunities
Ask the "stupid" questions
Know yourself and your abilities
Take care of your health
Try something unusual
Do not lose heart
Master the new technology
Find your niche
Go to the smell of money
But you have to make sure that your words: a) were available for understanding; and b) affected every person.
Chapter 23 Create your name
Regardless of age, position or field of activity, we all need to understand how important it is to acquire a well-known brand. To work today in business, you still need articles by your own marketer, who will be able to promote a brand called "I" on the market.
In order to make a name for yourself, you need an inner content that unites all your actions, giving them integrity and submitting them to a single mission. Having created a name for yourself, you solve at once three extremely important tasks. It inspires confidence in you, speaks for itself and attracts more and more people ready to help you.
As a result, it becomes easier for you to acquire new friends and explain to others who you are and what you are doing. A brand in business is a powerful tool.
Three conditions, the implementation of which will lead you to the path of success:
Define your personal qualities. Put your best qualities on paper. This will already be the first big step to ensure that others believe in them. Ask your closest friends what words they use to describe you with both good and bad sides. Ask them what the most important, in their opinion, skills and traits are inherent in you.
Make packaging for the brand. Let's be realistic: it's better to see once than hear a hundred times. Therefore, you must look faultless and highly professional. Machiavelli once remarked: "Everyone sees in you what you want to seem, and only a few know what you really are" . The greatest impression is made by small things. Let it seem trivial to you, but it is so.
Advertise your brand. The world is your scene. On it you put your own performance. The character you play is your brand. Look accordingly to this role and live it.
Chapter 24. Declare yourself
You need to achieve greater recognition. Only in this way you can become an authority not only for your company, but also for the industry as a whole.
Whether you like it or not, your success largely depends on how much the others are aware of what and how you are doing. Fortunately, in our time there are hundreds of new tools with which you can spread information about yourself.
Everyone you meet and talk with must know what you are doing, why it can benefit him and which one.
You have to start building relationships with the press even before you have a need to publish something. Provide journalists with information, meet them over a cup of coffee, call them regularly to avoid losing contact.
You are your best advertising agency. Who can better and more convincingly tell about you than you do?
Study the press
Before I call the journalists, I spend a lot of time reading articles to form an opinion on what topic this publication is writing and what kind of materials it prefers.
Find the highlight of
In order for your presentation to sound fresh and original, approach it in a new way.
Do not swing at the big
The main thing is to plant a spark, and only then, when you and your views become known, you can think about how to behave with journalists.
Help the journalist
Never refuse an interview and try to provide the journalist with the necessary contacts necessary for him to write an article.
Be able to prepare the bait
Brevity is very valued in the media. Learn to think in key words. Choose the three most interesting moments from what you are going to tell, and put them in several phrases, but so that it sounds colorful and attracted attention.
Do not be intrusive
If my article is rejected, then I ask myself what is required in order to publish it.
Talk about your business, not about yourself
Any attempt to declare yourself must first reflect your mission.
Treat the journalist as any of the circle of his friends
Journalists are also people (at least most of them), and your sympathy for their hard work will impress them.
Refer to the high-sounding names
Publishers want to see recognizable faces on their pages. If in your history there is a reference to a person to whom this newspaper does not have access, then the journalist will gladly seize it.
Know how to sell yourself
Usually I send the last article, which says about me, to my friends by e-mail with a postscript: "Another brazen attempt by Ferrazzi to make himself an advertisement."
Do not limit yourself in self-promotion
The most important thing is to remember that your circle of friends, colleagues and clients is the most powerful means by which you can declare yourself. Everything they say about you determines the value of your name.
Chapter 25. Learn to write
In the art of making connections, this skill may not seem most important, but, believe me, it will bring you great benefits.
First, discard all your romantic ideas about writing. Writing is not an easy task, but everyone does it, regardless of status and talent. The only thing necessary to become a writer is a pen, paper and a desire to express oneself.
Very many things in the world of business are written in co-authorship. If you write an article in co-authorship, then it is only the realization that you are moving together towards a common goal, transforming your relations from formal to closer ones. You now have every reason to support and develop contacts with them.
Chapter 26. Keep closer to the power
If you think about something, then think big.
People who have achieved in our understanding of fame and fame often have the qualities and skills that we admire. Many of these people have come to their present position through risk, passion, dedication, hard work and a positive attitude to life. Many of them had to overcome many difficulties on this path.
To convince such a person that you are interested in him only as a person, and not as a subject of adoring the crowd, you need to take your mind off his fame and concentrate all attention on his interests. It should always be remembered that even the most famous and influential personalities are primarily people. I found that trust is the main element of communication with famous and influential people.
It is very useful to always be in the right time in the right place. But in order to get acquainted with influential people, it is not at all necessary to attend smart receptions and closed conferences.
Chapter 27. Create your club, and people will come to you
You can call it a clan, a circle of friends, a tribe or a family. But whatever name this may be, you need it.
You will not be able to go directly to a gorgeous high-society party tomorrow. Well, do not worry about it. Each of us in the shower has an entrepreneurial vein. If you are not invited to a summit meeting, then why not organize your own?
Neither the diploma of Harvard University, nor even an invitation to Davos, will replace a personal initiative. Think about what you can offer to others from your knowledge, contacts, interests and experiences. Collect people around you and start acting.
Chapter 28. Do not give in to pride
Everyone in life can face failures. What will you do if a person who has previously responded to your phone calls suddenly refuses to even pick up the phone?
Ascending to the top, you need to be modest. Help those who climb up next to you. With whom famous people you have not made acquaintance, do not forget that your most valuable links are those that you already have.
Chapter 29. Learn and Teach Others. And so indefinitely
To teach others is to learn again.
"Always tris next to money, you see - something will stick to you." Not surprisingly, my father always insisted that I "rub" with those who have more money, knowledge and skills.
The circle of human communication largely determines what he will become.
A director of a company can learn from a manager the same way, just as vice versa. In some young companies, new employees are offered to put their impressions on paper after about a month after hiring, on the basis that a fresh look can better discern problems and offer some innovations.
I personally learn a lot from my young students, who periodically help me to refresh my knowledge and to take a fresh look at the world.
Chapter 30. Forget about the balance of
Balance is a myth. When I came to understand that the main thing in my life is relations with people, I stopped making differences between work, family and friends. These spheres are part of me, my life. I could, for example, with the same success spend my birthday at a business conference surrounded by friends, like at home in Los Angeles or in New York, where I would also be surrounded by friends.
Balance is a way of thinking. In the end, we only have one life, and the way we live it depends on the people around us.
More people - a more stable balance. We adjust our life schedule only to the most necessary and meaningful actions. If you have a wide range of links, then this doubles and triples your opportunities to find yourself a new and favorite occupation.
Comparative studies of the level of stress and dissatisfaction with the work showed that people brought up in the culture of individualism suffer from more stress than representatives of cultures more focused on communication
Oscar Wilde once said that if a person has been doing what he loves all his life, then we can assume that he has not worked a day in this life. If your life is filled with people you care about the same way as they do about you, then it makes no sense to worry about some kind of balance.
Chapter 31. Welcome to the era of communication
People are social beings. We are born through other people. We survive with the help of others. Whether we like it or not, in our life it will hardly be possible to lose the moments when we are not dependent on others. So do not be surprised that human happiness is the result of our relationships with others.
The Dalai Lama XIV
The famous writer and lecturer Rabbi Harold Kushner once said the wise words: "Our souls crave not fame, not comfort, not wealth and power. Having achieved all these benefits, we create almost as many problems ourselves as we solve with their help. Our souls yearn to understand what is the meaning and meaning of existence, they want to be sure that with their lives we have changed the world a little. "
Always remember that love, reciprocity and knowledge are not a bank account, which becomes smaller as it is used. Creativity generates creativity, money generates money, knowledge generates knowledge, friendships generate new friends, and one success leads to the following. And most importantly: the more you give, the more you get.
First of all, be sincere with yourself. How much time are you willing to spend on communicating with people? How much are you willing to give them before you get something in return? How many mentors do you have? For whom are you yourself a mentor? What do you like to do? How do you want to live? Which of the people would you like to make part of your life?
Anthropologist Margaret Mead once said: "There is no doubt that a small group of thoughtful and enthusiastic citizens can change the world. This is what always happened in history " . I hope that you, too, will be able to repeat this. But remember, this can not be done alone. We must act together.
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